天堂里的父亲

我和父亲在一起生活的时间加起来都不到三年。只有1979年7月到80年9月是我和父亲相处最长的时间，其他时间都是断断续续的。

都说父爱如山，我对这句话的理解：父亲是孩子们的靠山，遮风挡雨，指引方向。在我的成长过程中，尽管和父亲没有很多一起生活的记忆，但是我人生的关键时刻都是父亲为我把关，为我掌舵。更主要的是我继承了父亲的优秀DNA，健康快乐的生活着。父亲的角色在我的人生中没有缺席！

父亲已经病世9年了，户口记录他是35年出生，生日都是瞎编的，他一生都没有庆祝过生日。在我的印象里他对自己的生活很满足。他的口头语是：“稀里糊涂的过吧，都挺好”。他有贤惠能干的妻子，理想的两儿一女，长子有长孙，次子有孙女，还有同姓的三个外孙。一辈子没有富贵，但生活总是向好的方向前进，主要是他知足常乐！

从我记事开始，他就在外地上班，每月给家里寄钱。每年一次盼他回来探亲，那个绿色的帆布旅行包里总是装着好吃的，核桃大枣和给我准备的一种玩具：猪和羊的“骨枕儿。”具体是不是这几个字我也不清楚，很多年都见不到了。有的地方叫猪拐和羊拐。父亲在食堂工作，有便利条件积攒这些东西。父亲在收集这些东西的时候一定会想着我。他把骨头剔干净，染成红色的“骨枕儿。”

我经常后悔没把父亲给我的猪和羊的骨枕儿保留一副。

在网上找到这些照片，我们一次要玩六个或八个，把四个面都翻一遍。因为有这样的玩具，我在小伙伴的心目中是有威望的。

把我和父亲连在一起的是家书。我11岁以后父母和弟弟们就搬到离我千里之外的省城，父亲没有了一年一次的探亲。我们之间的联系就是每月一次的10元汇款和10公斤全国粮票以及一封家书。这种生活一直持续了四年。父亲的信都寄到我的学校，我是唯一的能收到信的学生。我写信的本事是父亲教的，尽管他没上过学，只在部队里扫过盲，但是他非常的聪明，喜欢读书，字写的也很好！他在单位还上了721工人大学，从炊事员转成技术工种。

80年我考上大学，到他单位去开介绍信，引来很多人来围观我，因为我长得太像父亲，他们都知道没有上过学的父亲竟然有女儿考上了全国重点大学。在办公室工作的人大部分都是有学历的，我是他们单位的第一个到北京上学的大学生。记得一位叔叔说：你爸爸认识核桃大的字都不到一斗，竟然培养出一个大学生！我应该是父亲的骄傲。

后来小弟弟也考上了大学，一个工人之家出了两个大学生这在建筑公司宿舍区是没有的。可见我们是有学霸基因的！只是父母没有赶上好时候。

父亲的身世我是从姑姥姥那里听来的。他自己很少提起他的家人，对他仅有的妹妹也不是很亲近，倒是母亲总惦记着我姑姑。寄钱给姑姑，父亲不阻拦也不支持。

父亲和姑姑相差6岁。爷爷死后，奶奶带着父亲和姑姑逃荒改嫁到我长大的地方-双桥村。奶奶嫁给了村里的老光棍，父亲和姑姑都改成了唐姓。父亲按他继父的家谱取名唐云友，而姑姑取名唐云花。十几岁的父亲正处于叛逆期，而姑姑又是小孩子很会讨好继父，估计没少告父亲的状，害得父亲总挨打。他生性倔强，这点我也随他。我姑姥姥总说我俩都是狗脾气。

我的奶奶也很早去世了。父亲在外边打工，离开唐家后来去当炮兵，家里还有父亲荣立三等功的小本本。在部队，他改回了原有的名字，不再姓唐。而姑姑一直都用着唐云花这个名字。这也许是父亲不喜欢姑姑的原因。

父亲很少提起他的父母，只是说爷爷被日本人杀害以后，他的姑姑和叔叔都不管他们孤儿寡母，他不会再回他的老家河北唐坊，也不愿意再联系他的族亲。至于唐姓的人，他也不认。复员后，自己又找到正式工作。只是和我母亲成亲以后，回来看我们。后来因为姑姥姥总是折腾，他就下决心搬离那个村子。

父亲从一个讨饭吃的穷孩子靠着自己的努力，当兵，学文化，当工人，成家，延续着张家香火，内心一定很骄傲。

父亲不仅对自己有要求，对我们姐弟也是有要求的。我记得他探亲的时候总是检查我的学习情况，教我识字，在墙上写菜谱。“花卷”这两个字就是他教会我的。父亲让我回到他身边去考大学，改变了我的人生。

父亲性格外向，爱说爱笑。姑姥姥说，我笑起来“哈哈哈”的声音和父亲同出一辙。

父亲对我们的爱是含蓄的，他从不口头表达对我们的爱与欣赏。记得高考期间，父亲总是关注我的睡眠与饮食，用他那粗糙的手为我扇扇子和做饭，他是一个好厨师，家里的年夜饭都是父亲操办，最拿手的是过油肉：一道过了油的猪里脊肉，滑嫩鲜香。

我考上大学以后，要报考广州的军医大学，父亲第一次跟我发火，只允许报考天津，北京和石家庄三个地方，其余的地方一律不允许，没有商量的余地。他那双大眼睛没有了笑意的时候，看着让人害怕。母亲说，他是再也不想让我离得太远。

父亲喜欢养花养小动物，住在楼房里限制了他的爱好。他在不大的地方种了无花果，养了夹竹桃。并且给孙子买了一条小狗养着玩。

父亲为人善良正直，他在退休前几年一直负责工地收料，他体恤民工的不易，也拒绝收受贿赂坑公司。一直认为人能睡踏实觉是最重要的。

他一直教育我结婚以后就要以婆家为主，尤其是婆家就一个儿子，要陪着公婆过年，严格遵守初二回娘家的习俗，而且还给我准备素馅儿饺子。他坚决认为姑爷是客人，我母亲说别人家的女婿都是好劳力，唯独我家的是爷。我在父亲的教诲之下，孝敬公婆。使公婆对我父母心存感恩，尤其是公公从美国探亲回去后从北京到石家庄去看望我的父母，和我父亲把酒言欢。父亲说亲家的到访一定是我做的不错。

父亲生活上要求不高，但抽了60多年的旱烟，喝了一辈子的小酒。只是他的饭量不大，一辈子都又黑又瘦。小时候我和弟弟都设法让他戒烟，他就说，他不怕死。可当他在ICU的时候有特别强的求生欲望。带着呼吸机不能讲话，用笔写下“我要活着”四个字。

他是因为肺衰竭而离世的，医生说多年的吸烟历史把肺抽的像一块破抹布，呼吸困难成了晚年的常态，经常吸氧，再加上前列腺疾病，本就瘦弱的身躯最后更是皮包骨头。每次回家看他都感觉心疼，禁不住抱住他哭，“爸爸你咋瘦成这样。” 他笑着说：“你想变瘦还办不到呢。”

2014年的春节是我来美国以后第一次在家过年。上一次春节期间回国是1995年。医院下了病危通知，恰巧老公在国内探亲，让我回去看望父亲。我和先生到ICU去看他，见他带着呼吸机，插着管不能讲话，看他那个样子我只会哭。他用带着笑意的眼神示意我别哭。还用笔费劲的给医生写了字“女儿女婿从美国来看我。”医生说：“老爷子，你有福气啊，快好起来跟女儿去美国吧！”

父亲用顽强的毅力被抬出ICU并且回了家。现在想起来真是要强的父亲为我做的最大努力。我们大家商量给他不拔管只降参数，他竟然可以自主呼吸。

弟弟把他背上四楼，我们全家在一起吃饭。尽管父亲只坐在床上看着我们吃，那也是正月里的团圆饭。吃饭时他止不住的咳嗽，我帮他抠痰。他说：“还得是闺女不嫌弃我啊，这辈子还有一桩事对不起你，没有风光的让你出嫁。”我说：“仪式都是表面的，我从来不在乎的，你看我嫁的多好啊。”妈妈和弟弟们都附和着说我的婚姻是幸福的。父亲承认我有着美满的家庭生活。我连忙说：也不看看我是谁的女儿，大事从来不糊涂。父亲非常满意的笑了！

在家里待了三天，我拥抱了父亲告别，他说：我死了你别回来了，在家里照顾好孩子。我知道这一别就是永别。

我离开家他就又回到医院，住了三个月再也没回家。5月12日他永远离开了我们，还差两天就是我的生日！

在我来到这个世界上的51年里，体验到了如山的父爱。在人生的关键转折，在生活中的紧急时刻父亲都在我身边。我永远记住地震后，父亲在我和姑姥姥孤单住在大帐篷时，及时赶到为我们搭建了防震棚，使我在震后的三年里有了安全的安身之处。他那眯眼用一根麻绳拴着石头吊线测量的样子永远都在我的脑海里。

父亲永远活在我的心中，他的血脉一直会延续下去，我们的生活在父亲的庇佑之下会越来越好。

树贵，这个土气的名字值得我们子孙铭记！

The time that I lived with my father in my life adds up to less than three years. The longest period of time we spent together was from July 1979 to September 1980. Other times were intermittent.

It is often said that a father’s love is like a mountain. My understanding of this is that fathers are the pillar of support for their children, providing shelter from the storms of life and guiding them in the right direction. Although I do not have many memories of living with my father, he was always there for me during critical moments in my life, watching over me and steering me in the right direction. Moreover, I have inherited his excellent DNA and am living a healthy and happy life. My father’s role has never been absent from my life!

My father has been left for nine years now. According to his household registration, he was born in 1935, and his birthday was not true and never celebrated. In my memory, he was always content with his life. His favorite saying was, “Just stumble through life, it’s all good.” He had a capable and virtuous wife, two sons and a daughter, an eldest grandson, a granddaughter, and three other grandchildren with the same surname. Although he never achieved great wealth or success, his life always moved in a positive direction, mainly because he was content with what he had.

Since I can remember, he worked in another city and sent money home every month. Every year, we looked forward to his return to visit us. His green canvas travel bag was always filled with Walnuts and large dates, and a toy he had prepared for me, a “bone pillow” shaped like a pig or a sheep. I’m not sure if those were the exact words, and I haven’t seen them in years. In some places, they are called “pig crutches” and “sheep crutches.” As a food service worker, he had the convenience to collect these things. He must have been thinking of me when he collected them. He would clean the bones and dye them red to make them into “bone pillows.”

I often regret not keeping one of the pig and sheep bone pillows my father gave me.

I found these photos on the internet. We would play with six or eight of them at a time, flipping them over on all four sides. Because of these toys, I had a good reputation among my playmates.

The thing that kept me and my father connected was family letters. After I turned 11, my parents and younger siblings moved to a province a thousand miles away from me, and my father was no longer able to visit once a year. Our only means of communication was a monthly remittance of 10 yuan, 10 kilograms of national grain vouchers, and a letter from home. This way of life lasted for four years. My father’s letters were sent to my school, and I was the only student who received letters. My father taught me how to write letters, even though he had never been to school and only learned to read and write in the military. He was very intelligent and loved reading, and his handwriting was excellent! He even went to the 721 Workers’ University at his workplace and went from being a cook to a technical worker.

In 1980, I was admitted to university, and I went to his workplace to get a letter of introduction, which attracted many people to come and watch me because I looked so much like my father. They were all amazed that the father who never received an education had a daughter who was admitted to a prestigious national university. Most of the people who worked in the office had degrees, and I was the first college student from their unit to go to Beijing. I remember one uncle saying, “Your dad doesn’t know many Chinese characters but he managed to raise a college student! I should say he was very proud of you.”

Later, my younger brother also went to college, and having two college students from a working-class family was unheard of in the construction company dormitory area. It seems that we have the genes of academic excellence! It’s just that our parents didn’t catch up with the good times.

I heard about my father’s family background from my great aunt. He rarely mentioned his own family, and wasn’t very close to his only sister. However, my mother was always concerned about my aunt and sent money to her. My father neither opposed nor supported it.

“My grandmother passed away early as well. My father worked outside and left the Tang family to become a artillery soldier. At home, we had certificate of recording my father’s third-class merit. In the military, he changed his name back to his original name and no longer used the surname Tang. However, my aunt always used the name Tang Yunhua. Perhaps this was the reason why my father didn’t like her.

My father rarely mentioned his parents, only saying that after his father was killed by the Japanese, his aunt and uncle didn’t take care of them as orphans. He would never go back to his hometown in Tangfang, Hebei Province and didn’t want to contact his relatives. As for people with the surname Tang, he didn’t recognize them either. After being discharged, he found a formal job. He only came back to see us after marrying my mother. Later, because my great aunt was always causing trouble, he decided to move away from that village.

From being a poor child begging for food to becoming a soldier, learning culture, working as a laborer, getting married, and continuing the family line, my father must have been very proud in his heart.

My father not only had expectations for himself, but also for us siblings. I remember when he came to visit, he always checked on my studies and taught me how to read, even writing recipes on the wall. “Hua Juan” (a type of steamed bun) was the two characters he taught me. My father encouraged me to take the university entrance exam, which changed my life.

My father has an outgoing personality and loves to talk and laugh. My great aunt said that when I laugh with a “hahaha” sound, it’s just like my father.

My father’s love for us is implicit, and he never verbally expresses his love and appreciation for us. I remember during the college entrance examination, my father was always concerned about my sleep and diet. He used his rough hands to fan me and cook for me. He was a good cook, and he was in charge of the New Year’s Eve dinner at home. His best dish was fried pork: a tender and delicious pork loin fried in oil.

After I was admitted to university, I wanted to apply to the Military Medical University in Guangzhou. For the first time, my father got angry with me and only allowed me to apply to Tianjin, Beijing, and Shijiazhuang. He didn’t allow me to apply anywhere else, and there was no room for discussion. When his big eyes lost their smile, it was scary to look at him. My mother said he didn’t want me to be too far away from home anymore.

My father likes to raise flowers and small animals, but living in a high-rise building limits his hobbies. He planted figs and raised oleanders in a small space. He also bought a puppy for his grandchild to play with.

My father is kind and upright. In the years before he retired, he was responsible for material collection at the construction site. He sympathized with the difficulties of the migrant workers and refused to accept bribes or cheat the company. He always believed that being able to sleep well at night is the most important thing.

He always taught me that after marriage, the husband’s family should come first, especially when there is only one son in the family. I should accompany my in-laws during the Chinese New Year and strictly follow the tradition of visiting my parents on the second day of the new year. He even prepared vegetarian dumplings for me. He firmly believed that the son-in-law was a guest, and my mother said that the sons-in-law in other families were good laborers, but the one in our family was like a Grandfather. Under my father’s teachings, I showed filial piety to my in-laws, and they felt grateful to my parents, especially my father. When my father-in-law visited my parents from the Beijing and had a drink with my father in Shijiazhuang after leaving New Jersey, my father said that my father in-law visiting him because I did a good job.

Father had low demands in life, but he had smoked tobacco for over 60 years and drank small amounts of alcohol everyday in his whole life. However, he had a small appetite and was skinny. When my younger brother and I were children, we tried to make him quit smoking, but he said he wasn’t afraid of death. However, when he was in the ICU, he had a strong desire to survive. Unable to speak due to the breathing machine, he wrote the words “I want to live” with a pen.

He passed away due to pulmonary failure, and the doctors said that his many years of smoking had turned his lungs into a rag, making breathing difficulties a norm in his old age. He frequently used oxygen, and combined with his prostate disease, his already weak body became even thinner. Every time I went home to see him, I felt heartbroken and couldn’t help but hug him and cry, “Dad, how did you become so thin?” He smiled and said, “You can’t even manage to lose weight if you wanted to.”

The 2014 Spring Festival was the first time I had celebrated the Chinese New Year at home since I moved to the United States. The last time I went home during the Spring Festival was in 1995. The hospital issued a critical illness notice, and coincidentally, my husband was visiting China, so I went to visit my father. My husband and I went to see him in the ICU, where he was wearing a breathing machine and couldn’t speak due to the tubes. I could only cry when I saw him like that. He gestured to me with a smile in his eyes not to cry. He even wrote on a piece of paper with a pen to the doctor, “My daughter and son-in-law came to see me from the United States.” The doctor said, “Old man, you are blessed. Get well soon and go to the United States with your daughter!”

With his tenacious willpower, my father was taken out of the ICU and returned home. Looking back, my father was the strongest person who had ever worked for me. We all decided to keep the tube in but decrease the parameters, and he was able to breathe on his own.

My younger brother carried him up to the fourth floor, and our whole family had dinner together. Even though my father only sat on the bed watching us eat, it was still a reunion dinner during the Chinese New Year. He couldn’t stop coughing during dinner, so I helped him clear his phlegm. He said, “Only my daughter wouldn’t dislike me like this. There is one thing in my life that I regret, which is that I couldn’t give you a grand wedding.” I said, “Ceremonies are just superficial things, and I never cared about them. Look at how well I married.” My mother and brothers all agreed that my marriage was a happy one. My father acknowledged that I had a happy family life. I quickly said, “You should also see whose daughter I am. I never make mistakes in big events.” My father was very satisfied and smiled.

I stayed at home for three days, hugged my father goodbye, and he said, “Don’t come back when I die. Take care of your children at home.” I knew that this farewell was forever.

When I left home, he went back to the hospital and never returned home again. He passed away on May 12, two days before my birthday!

In the 51 years that I have been in this world, I have experienced the immense love of a father like a mountain. During the critical turning points in my life and in emergency situations, my father was always by my side.

I will always remember that after the earthquake, my father rushed to build a quake-resistant shelter for me and my great aunt when we were living alone in a big tent. This provided us with a safe place to live in the three years after the quake. The image of him squinting his eyes and using a hemp rope with a stone tied to it to measure and level the shelter will forever be etched in my mind.

My father will always live in my heart, and his bloodline will continue on. Under his protection, our lives will become better and better.

“Shu Gui,” this simple and unpretentious name is worth remembering for generations to come!